


Bittersweet

by Ren_Yu



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Crying, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, F/M, Family Reunion, Fluff, Ghoul/Human Relationship, Lots of Crying, Not Beta Read, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-re: Chapter 178, Pre-re: Chapter 179, Reunion Sex, Slow Burn, Takizawa has regained most of his sanity, my god im making myself sad just writing this rn, rebuilding relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-26 23:14:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21907192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ren_Yu/pseuds/Ren_Yu
Summary: The child you were supposed to raise together knows no one but you. She has stories and photographs but nothing more to interpret who her father was. If it weren’t for your pregnancy you wouldn’t be here today, you most probably would’ve disappeared from sheer grief, death by your own hand.He lives through his precious kin.
Relationships: Takizawa Seidou & Original Female Character, Takizawa Seidou/Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 39





	1. Home

**Author's Note:**

> For the purpose of this fic, Takizawa has regained most of his sanity.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter acts as a prelude.

Another Sunday rolls by, time gradually seemed to die around you. Each weekend you felt went slower than the last, yet work during the week flew by as if it were nothing. He’s supposed to be here right now, laying next to your sleepy self, watching on at Tokyo’s restoration from that dreadful disaster three years ago. ‘He’d be twenty-seven today’ you think to yourself as you roll over listlessly onto your back. With your eyes glued to the ceiling you blindly reach for your phone that lay on the bedside table. Weakly holding the screen in front of you, you glare at the time and date: 04:32 AM. Sunday, 10th September. Your eyes began to burn immensely from the tears that threatened to fall, they formed so quickly you could barely see your daughters smiling face underneath the date. You choked.

“Kohana’s five soon…”

The child you were supposed to raise together knows no one but you. She has stories and photographs but nothing more to interpret who her father was. It was like déjà vu each time you picked her up from daycare; Kohana would ask for a story during the walk home, you would tell them with pride as your voice would hopelessly tremble, yet she still smiled through it all. Not once did your little girl express sadness or anger towards the fate of her father. It’s debatable that she’s still too young to understand the loss of a loved one, but her only thought was of his admirable bravery. Despite your grudge against ghouls you still preach the compassion she should show to those around her. Sure, you’d absolutely revel in the opportunity to murder the swines that stole your life away, but they’re dead themselves. Rightfully so. If it weren’t for your pregnancy you wouldn’t be here today, you most probably would’ve disappeared from sheer grief, death by your own hand. He lives through his precious kin.

Your sombre thoughts are interrupted by a strange sensation, a chill rushes through your pores like a breeze. It felt like wind was caressing your bare arms. But all the windows were locked, you thought. The chill quickly became unbearable, forcing you up from your bed. Not that you were comfortable anyway. You opened the bedroom door and began to wander through the darkness of your apartment. The kitchen area was dimly lit from the pale gleam of the moon that seeped through the blinds. It was beautiful. The granite counter-tops looked like a dead body of water, the gentle whirring of the extractor fan made the atmosphere oddly serene. You must’ve forgotten to turn it off after cooking. You checked the window above the sink, it was closed. Suddenly it wasn’t cold anymore. You walked over to the extractor fan and reached up to press the off button. A quick click and the noise stopped, pure silence. You adjusted the hem of your pyjama top as your arm returned to your side, looking out the window once again. The entire ward was veiled in scaffolding, lamps that attached to the metal poles acted as temporary streetlights. It’ll be a long time until life in Tokyo can return to normality, but it never will for yourself, not fully.

You exhaled a woeful sigh with tired, drooping eyes, feeling sorry for yourself. Aiming to return to your bedroom you turned to head for the hall, you looked up. You froze.

“Who are you…?”

You felt the heat of adrenaline and the icy bite of fear course through every single one of your veins, just mere inches away from the apartment door stood an ominous cloaked figure, draped in pitch black. The faint moonlight cast itself upon half its face, your body went limp. They spoke to you.

“You’re here…”

The figure sounded pained, he sounded like you. With a struggle to steady your breathing you backed up against the sink, remembering that you had conveniently left a dirty knife in there from dinner. He took a small step forward, without breaking eye contact you dove a hand into the basin and pointed the blade at the stranger.

“Don’t move!”

Your words shook from your lips, the stranger paused but went to take another hesitant step.

“STAY AWAY, I SWEAR I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU!”

You began to feel the onset of a panic attack, if they moved another inch you wouldn’t hesitate. It’s fight or flight you tell yourself, there would only be one reason someone would break in at this hour, especially someone with such animosity. Now was not the time to be eaten. Your arm shook vigorously as the other rested heavily on the counter top, desperately trying to support your dead weight. The figure started talking again.

“(name) please, it’s m-”

“HOW DO YOU KNOW ME, WHO TOLD YOU WHERE I LIVE?”

Now in hysterics you screeched at the man, the blade in your hand being swung to and fro as a threat to back away. Your sight couldn’t tear from their thin black lips in fear of being ambushed. You dare not crouch and cower away on the floor, you have a little girl to protect. God knows what he’d do if you even hinted at her presence.

“Mama why are you screaming?”

The most horrific wave of dread washed over your already pale face, Kohana emerged from the hallway rubbing her big, sleepy eyes. As you were about to throw your life away and dive to protect her the stranger faltered, he breathed a pathetic whimper as he reached to lower his hood. Your daughter looked up to him, only now noticing his presence, her expression displaying pure naivety. The weapon in your hand crashed to the floor once you saw the moonlight glint in his eyes. But how is this possible? Akira informed you of his tragic end herself. But he’s standing. He’s breathing, he’s talking, walking, crying. Oh my god he’s crying just like he used to.

“She has my eyes… brown, beautiful-”

He fell to his knees, his beady pupils still locked onto Kohana, taking in the beauty of his long lost child.You feel a sharp pang of shock strike through your chest causing you to stumble into the wall. A sudden flush of heat cloaked your skin as you slid down to the ground. Your hands covered your mouth, muffling the cries that forced their way out. He said she had his eyes, and she does. She looks just like her father in every way. Kohana just stared back at him though, you couldn’t tell what she was feeling. Was she scared? Frozen from fear? He has changed drastically; his hair and skin, white as the snow that fell in the winter. He looked ghostly. But then his gaze turned to you. He smiled at you, the same smile he’d show you each morning. The smile that made you fall head over heels for him.

“I’m so sorry (name)...”

You lost your mind at his words, the instant he shifted to crawl towards you your body flung itself at him. The earth stopped moving as your arms caged around his upper body, the force of your movement knocked you both to the hard, wood floor. You wailed his name for the first time in almost five years. Seidou. Even as an ugly screech it still rolled off your tongue as smooth as normal, like melted butter. It felt so soothing to say it, it felt like fucking therapy that actually worked. He sobbed into your hair while furiously caressing it, taking a hold of your head and forcing it into his chest. He refused to let you go. You just laid there on top of him, taking in his coppery scent as you dampened his clothes with your tears.

“You’re alive…”


	2. Reminiscence

04:58 AM. You put Kohana back to bed, you didn’t know how to handle the situation with her. Instead you assured her that you would tell her everything in the morning. You wanted to ease her into whatever this was.

How were you supposed to explain this to your little girl when you didn’t even know what was happening yourself? The last 20 minutes were already a blur. One moment you feared for your life and the next you were embracing the man you thought you’d lost. Now here he is, looming over the console table, staring at the framed photographs of the family he never had. You couldn’t help but analyse his obvious changes while you stood in between him and your daughters bedroom door. His once pristine skin was now deathly pale, cracked and riddled with mysterious scars. His hair; white, shaggy and unkempt. Beady grey eyes replaced his deep and endearing chocolate ones. It was as though he had been reanimated from death. This thing wasn’t your partner. 

Being cautious, you shuffled towards the being you could only call a ‘creature’ and studied his expression. He was still crying. He tilted his head as he ran a finger across a photograph.

“I knew you’d be a good Mother (name)...”

His words took you aback and a lump caught in your throat. His empty gaze captured yours as you plucked up the courage to approach him again. You held a hand up to reach for his cheek while the other clutched your pyjama top. He jumped at the gentle contact, your fingertips barely touched him but his reaction caused you to pull back. Despite his tension you reached again, wanting desperately to feel him. He was cold. Your eyes grew wide as your other hand placed itself on his other cheek, your lip quivered as you attempted to stifle the whimpers that tried to escape. Seidou turned his head slightly to avert your sad stare, ashamed of himself. His big, scarred hands grasped your upper arms as you began to thumb away the tears that stained his skin. Your voice was barely audible.

“What the fuck happened to you?”

Silence. Nothing but a small choke came from him. You pulled him closer.

“Seidou please…”

He stayed silent. You both stood together for a few seconds before he took a sharp breath and looked you in the eye once again. His expression was now fearful, his already small pupils contracted further. You drew back slightly but his grip tightened at your reaction. Before you could speak again his right eye flashed and changed to reveal black sclera and a bright red iris. 

Sorrow overcame you. 

A ghoul. He was a ghoul now. 

Frightened and confused all you could do was break down. All of your energy seemed to drain from you. You just wept. Seidou fell to the floor with you, catching your body before you could collapse. All he could do was embrace you while you cried into his robes. A shaky hand combed through your hair in an attempt to comfort you, then a chaste kiss was planted atop your head. All you could do was ask through laboured breath.

“Why?”

You repeated that word with fervency as you shook in his arms. Your head span as though you had a concussion, bile began to rise in your stomach. What kind of sick and twisted fate was this? How was it physically possible? Your love was human. A normal man with a normal life. You started hyperventilating as your brain went into overdrive. Your knuckles turned as pale as his skin as you desperately tried to keep yourself sat upright. Realising that revealing his Kakugan so suddenly may have been a mistake Seidou berated himself under his breath. He tugged your body back to make eye contact yet again, attempting to calm you by reverting his eye back to normal. 

“I won’t hurt you, I could never touch you or Kohana…”

Your breathing slowed, you could tell when he was being genuine with his words. It was comforting to hear that tone of voice. Through your blurry eyes you could see his expression soften somewhat, assuming it was his way to assure you further. But you didn’t need assurance as his tone spoke volumes. Recognising the look on your face he pulled you back into his chest.

“If you want me to leave just say so.”

Your hands latched onto his shoulders in response. 

“Don’t you dare… you just came home.”

You both stayed there for a while, slumped on the floor, staring at each other with bleary eyes. You tried to think of things to say but couldn’t move your lips, all they could do was quiver. Seidou was studying your face as though he feared he may lose sight of it, and at the same time, as though he had forgotten it. In the 5 years he had been gone many things had changed, all but the place you lived. You had become more slender in stature from your lack of motivation to do anything but work. Ever since he disappeared your only concern was your daughter, it had been a painful struggle dealing with life as an independent parent. It almost claimed your life on many occasions. You couldn’t be bothered to eat most days, only forcing yourself in front of Kohana to maintain your position as her role model. You never truly felt like one though, her father would’ve made it all much better you always thought. You were supposed to be a team.

But it dawned on you. He’s home. No longer human but home nonetheless. Maybe something can be salvaged from the damaged structure of your relationship. He can finally get to know the daughter he always wanted. 

After mentally steadying yourself and allowing time to dry your eyes, you ran a hand through part of his bangs with a warm smile.

“Shall I make some coffee?”

He looked shocked at your now affectionate demeanour. Before agreeing to your offer you stood to head for the kitchen. He followed behind you at a slight distance, still unsure if you were truly comfortable with his surprise appearance. You were already beginning to accept that this was reality, however the ghoul part would take more time. You were just happy that the man you loved had returned. You felt a cacophony of emotions churn as you switched the coffee machine on, relief was mixing with worry while you waited for the machine to filter out the dispenser. In the corner of your eye you saw Seidou reaching into one of the cupboards, the cupboard where you kept mugs and cups. He pulled out two and handed them to you, his gaze awkwardly focused on the mugs rather than you. 

He remembers the little things. 

Tears formed yet again but you pushed them back with a smile, you took them from him with a barely audible ‘thank you’. The only noise that echoed through the apartment was the machine dispensing the leftover coffee that it had pre-ground just before dinner that night. Once it was done you stared at your hand as you gave him his cup. He apprehensively took it, he was shaking slightly. It hurt to see him so unsure but to be truthful you probably felt the same things he was feeling. He glanced at you as he took a quick sip. He stared at the dark roast in his cup as his eyes turned glassy.

“It’s good…”

Ghouls loved coffee, that’s one thing you did know. Another thing you knew was their other dietary need, but you tried to keep that thought aside for the time being. But judging by his reaction to the coffee he was more than likely hungry, you hoped to god it was nostalgia instead. The oven clock read ‘05:14 AM’. Knowing that sleep was out of the question you walked past Seidou with your coffee in hand. Realising he was stood deadly still you turned to meet his gaze. He shuffled slightly on his feet, hunched over and staring hopelessly at his coffee. It pained you. You moved back towards him and tugged on a loose piece of his sleeve.

“Will you sit with me? I want to show you something.”

“Ok…”

You slid your fingertips down to one of his hands. Taking the hint, he transferred his hold of the cup to one hand and took yours. You lead him to the living area and perched yourself on the sofa. As he sat himself beside you, you placed your cup down on the coffee table in front of you and reached for the shelving underneath the table top. You brought out a book. Seidou’s eyes widened upon realising what it was. 

“It may seem old fashioned but my mother made this photo album as an offering to you.” 

He placed his cup next to yours as he took the album from you. He never looked away from the cover. It was plain blue in colour and had his full name written in Kanji on it.

Takizawa Seidou.

“She wanted me to leave it at your shrine, but I couldn’t.”

Upon opening the album Seidou understood why you couldn’t let go. The first thing he saw was a photograph of the two of you; you were both sat in a booth at an American style restaurant, very drunk and jovial, with an arm around each other. It was the day you first met. His voice was a strangled whisper, yet he recalled the memory with happiness.

“The night Houji took us out after work, when I was deployed to the 20th Ward.” 

You couldn’t help but hum at the fact he remembered. You could see the plethora of emotions he was attempting to process. 

“Yep. That’s when I finished my first week of being a real investigator. Mr. Shinohara practically forced me to come, it was a treat for my ’valiant effort’ he said. All I did was handle paperwork.”

He chuckled with you at that memory. It made your heart flutter hearing him laugh. Your graduation from the Academy propelled you to the 20th Ward as a rank 2 investigator. Your first week consisted of you handling reports of suspected ghoul sightings and completed missions to subdue certain targets, all while under Mr. Shinohara’s supervision. You were more of an intern to begin with. At the end of your shift on Friday night he offered to treat you to a meal with a friend of his, that friend being Houji. He mentioned that Houji’s partner would be joining them and that he had graduated from the academy a year prior. Giving in to his persistence you cleared up you desk and made your way to the restaurant together.

“And that’s when we first met…”

You looped your arms through his right one to hug him, displaying the love that very much still existed within you. He suddenly tensed up again when your head rested against his shoulder but you didn’t pull away, you stayed. It felt so good for both of you to have contact again, but Seidou still felt undeserving of this affection. Especially after all he had done in his new life, the crimes he committed. It was rather unbecoming of a former investigator. He began to relax more when he analysed the other three pictures tucked away inside the film pages. 

There was another one of the same night but with Houji’s hand cutting into frame, attempting to lower Seidou’s drink from his lips. The other two were of the second work outing, that time Shinohara brought Juuzou. Seidou was not at all happy about him tagging along but you made sure he enjoyed himself regardless. One photo showed Juuzou attempting to snuggle up to you with rosy cheeks, the other was of Houji pulling Seidou back from you and Juuzou, jealousy and annoyance obviously plastered on his also reddened face. You didn’t even know these photos existed until your mother presented them to you yourself, she always had her ways of obtaining things.

He continued to flick through the album and carefully study each picture. He recollected memories from the days before you were a couple, to the times where he took you out on dates to get to know you better, right up to when you were pregnant with Kohana. Those days with him were the most precious. When you found out at first you were petrified, so much so that you didn’t tell Seidou for the first couple weeks. And with him being as dense as he can be he never had an inkling, even when you were throwing your guts up most mornings. You didn’t want him to turn tail and leave you. Two investigators couldn’t possibly find the time to raise a child to begin with, never mind the thought of him not wanting one. Even if he had it wouldn’t have worked, you were both still so young. But it happened. In the end you gave in to the anxiety and told him. You smiled at remembering his reaction; the colour drained from his face instantly and his expression was priceless. You were both mortified. You stood there teary eyed and restless, unsure of whether he was going to flee. Instead he came over to you and gingerly placed his palm on your belly, his expression had already changed to a warm one. You could never forget what he said:

“I hope it’s a girl.”

Those words told you that what you had was meant to last. But it didn’t. The 7th month of your pregnancy was the month of the Owl Suppression Operation. The month where your life felt like it had ended. It was not long after that day that you handed in your resignation notice. And with everyone knowing your situation, they fully understood why. 

The next photo he saw was of you by yourself, peering out the bedroom window, cradling your stomach. It was the last picture he took of you. His reason behind it being that you looked beautiful in the sunlight. Seeing it touched a nerve in him. He started trembling, and with the amount of pages left of the album you understood why. He knew what was coming. Despite the empathy you felt you guided his hand to turn the page. He needed to see the 5 years he missed.

And there she was, wrapped snugly in a pink blanket, cradled in your arms in the hospital bed. His baby girl Kohana. The whole spread of the page was filled with pictures of his newborn that he never got to meet. One had you holding her in the living room on the day you took her home, and another was of your mother playing with her tiny hands. Then there was the one centred on the right hand page. Kohana was staring above her with her big and beautiful eyes. She wore a white onesie and was surrounded by the toys she had been gifted from your friends and family. But the one she held onto was what caught his eye almost instantly. It was a plush dog that resembled a Shiba Inu that had its tongue sticking out, and judging by the condition of the fur it had seen better days. It was the same plush that Seidou was gifted as a baby, and it remained his favourite toy for most of his childhood life. He brought it back from his parents house one day so he could pass it down to her. Seeing that you had done that in his stead overwhelmed him. He started to gently stroke the photo, dismissing the tears that dripped onto the film. You took hold of his hand.

“She sleeps with that dog every night you know. She even tries sneaking it into her school bag, despite me telling her not to every time.”

He shakily pulled the photograph out of the film sleeve to hold it closer to him. She was such a beautiful baby he was close to losing it. His tears instantly fell to its surface. Placing the album aside, he turned to you with so much pain emanating from him you couldn’t help but allow your own tears to fall again. Looking at him now, despite what he was, the love you thought had nullified him began to flourish within you. Like a rekindled fire it sparked to life again. Somehow he was still him, and seeing him react to his child in the way he was in that moment spoke a thousand words. Yet they were words you couldn’t seem to verbalise.

“I was going to put that one in a f-frame… put it on your side of the bed…”

Your hand released itself from his while you whimpered into his side, your grip returned to his arm. He suddenly shifted, causing you to pull your face away and look up to him. The picture he held was now on the coffee table and his warmth enveloped you entirely. His strong arms embraced your body in a way that made you forget everything around you. Time had stopped, you felt as though you were levitating, trapped inside a bubble together. Moments like this awakened feelings you thought you had forgotten long ago. You felt loved again. The thrilling sensation of his breath crawled along the exposed skin of your neck, he was still sobbing. You ran your hands through his snowy mop of hair and despite the want to weep, you hushed him with sweet nothings. His lips brushed against you as he forced out his broken voice.

“Not a day went by where I didn't think of you… You kept the little piece of sanity I had.”

You choked a little but masked it with a smile.

“Me too. You’re all I ever think of Seidou. I love you.”

And with those three words, Seidou finally regained the will to carry on. You were still his after all these years apart and realising that made him feel on top of the fucking world. He pledged to himself and to you that he would become a real father, no matter how many years it would take. Your broken family was now reunited, but there was still a long road ahead to true normality. But with him by your side again, nothing would stop you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm cryign rn ahahah the Shinnosuke Tachibana love is strong.


End file.
